It’s a great joy to have a lasting relationship with a man or woman who is a friend, partner or even a spouse. You work hard for it and it’s rewarding, especially after putting a lot of work into bringing everything together.
Frequently though, our ideas and attitudes about relationships (which are often wrong), works against us. It undermines the relationships we work so hard achieving. Everyday we watch lots of breakups, dramatic flare-ups; unpleasant words or actions that cause people to destroy their own relationships. People end up sitting in the room, looking out at the world through a glass window; on one side, happy and troubled people and on the other, a person harboring that dangerous and destructive feeling of isolation. It’s best described in professional counseling as “the fear of separation”.
You trusted your partner enough to know that they wouldn’t cheat on you or hurt your feelings. You gave someone enough trust to know they won’t leave you or stop loving you regardless of what you say or do. But something horrible happened, someone took advantage of that trust, or at least you think that someone abused that trust and the trust is gone and the relationship is over.
Another problematic attitude in relationships is the belief that if you truly love one another and are meant for each other, things will work out fine. You don’t have to work hard to strengthen the relationship and worse, you expect your partner to be happy or the other to make you happy.
Many people are tongue tied with their partners when it comes to things that bother or upset them, fearful that you may hurt their feelings. In the short term, this refusal to verbalize concerns works to avoid conflicts but your partner deserves to hear those in between the lines laying out the content of your dreams, aspirations, and desires. Your partner needs to be fully aware of your feelings and concerns about issues that need to be fixed. To keep quiet reflects a lack of trust and, that’s the death of a relationship.
Whether you decide to separate or stick it out, it all depends on how you much you value the relationship and how much you are willing to commit yourself if you decide to stay. Are you willing to compromise? If you decide to separate from your partner, are you ready to move on knowing you won’t be with this person again? All these questions can be confusing and make you go back and forth and further aggravate the stress you are feeling. In these situations, it helps to seek guidance and get relationship counseling to assist you through these difficulties.
PS Counselling specialises in working with couples relationships and relationship coaching. Find out more about the benefits of relationship coaching by visiting http://www.pscounselling.com.au/couples