Whether or not your relationship will survive after one of you has cheated is really up to both of you. It will take both of you working together to bring your relationship back from the edge. It’s not just about the one who cheated making changes, the other partner will have to learn to deal with their anger and hurt over their partner’s betrayal.
If both of you decide that you want to try to salvage your relationship you have to realize that the process will be long and painful and there is no room for immaturity. You will need to have, or learn, great communication skills and you should also consider enlisting the help of a professional counselor or therapist.
A therapist can help keep the two of you from spiraling out of control and fighting. The emotions of both of you are going to be very high so it’s imperative that the two of you find a way to keep things under control, and if you can’t do it on your own, a therapist might be able to help.
It is important for both of you to address the reason for the infidelity. Was it just a onetime temptation that they weren’t strong enough to ignore, or is this just one of many? If it’s the latter, you might want to consider ending the relationship for good. While it’s not impossible for the cheater to change, the reality is that if this is an on-going pattern it shows a huge lack of maturity and that isn’t so easily overcome. It may be best for the other partner to cut their losses and find someone who is mature enough to resist temptation and live up to their promises.
The person who cheated will have to understand that their partner may never be able to totally trust them again. No matter how hard the injured party tries to forgive, they will never be able to forget. That lack of trust can rear it’s ugly head at the least expected times. This is something that both parties will have to acknowledge and be willing to deal with.
Of course, the person who cheated will have to deal with their own guilt and remorse and may have a hard time forgiving themselves for the pain they caused.
It’s also very important that the cheater accepts full responsibility for their infidelity. It’s convenient to blame your partner or the sad state of your relationship for your infidelity, but the fact is that you are the one who cheated and that is not the way to deal with difficulties in your life. Everyone gets scared and overwhelmed sometimes, but a mature adult finds other ways to temporarily ‘escape’, things that don’t cause pain and mistrust.
If you and your partner are committed to trying to make your relationship work after one of you has cheated, than use these tips as a starting point. You may not be able to make it work, but at least you’ll know that you really tried, and that can be better than nothing.
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