Are you trying to use the no contact rule to get your ex back? Have you read that it is an effective way to get your ex-boyfriend or husband to come back to you but you are wondering how you will ever get him back by abiding by the no contact rule? Do you feel like you’re missing a piece of the puzzle or that someone isn’t letting you in on something when it comes to using the no contact rule? There must be more to getting your ex back than simply not talking to him that will make him want to get back together again, right?
If you are just sitting around waiting by the phone then you are right. There is more to using the no contact rule to get him back. Just sitting around waiting for a flash of brilliance to come across your ex’s mind is going to leave you disappointed and looking pretty old when that day does come and your ex remembers you and the love that you shared. The truth is that the no contact rule should only be a part of the plan that you should be using to get your man back. The no contact rule will never help you to connect with your ex or know what to say when you do connect with him again.
The no contact rule simply states that you do not initiate any contact with your ex. You should not text, email or call your ex for any reason in hope that he will come to the conclusion all on his own that he still loves you and then he contacts you. This keeps you from appearing needy or weak in the relationship and hopefully makes him desire you more. The no contact rule is sort of an “absence makes the heart grow fonder” kind of deal and many professionals and amateur relationship experts recommend using the no contact rule as the basis of their advice when it comes to getting back together with an ex.
Issues with using the no contact rule arises due to the fact that most guys are just scared little creatures and they will not reach out after a breakup in most cases. If your ex does start to feel something for you, what chance do you think you have of him feeling sorry about breaking up with you and then mustering up the courage to call you? Chances are probably pretty slim and he will assume that you are angry, upset, hurt and that he is better off just moving on without you. He will be afraid of your rejection. There is also a pretty good chance that if you do initiate contact too soon that you will fall back into old patterns of behavior and push your ex away in the same way that you had been doing before initiating the no contact rule and then you’ll have to start all over again with the no contact rule.
What you need is a carefully thought out and planned path that you can use after you are done with the no contact rule. You will have your chance after the no contact rule has done its thing and the smoke has cleared from your breakup. Old wounds have healed somewhat and there is hope and possibilities. But will you know what to say and how to say it when you do speak with him again? Will you spill your guts and beg him for another chance or will you know how to play him? Will you have the confidence necessary to pull all of this off and the restraint to know what not to say while knowing what you should say to push his emotional hot buttons which will fan the flames of passion and desire in him again? You might not want to play games with him but if you are determined to get him back and you want that assurance that you can get him back for good then this might be a necessity.
The day is coming when you will need to pick up that phone and call him. There will be a time when the no contact rule needs to be broken and you will need to start actually doing something to get him back. This truly is where knowing something about male psychology and what makes your ex tick can be used to your advantage. No amount of taking or logical reasons why you should give your relationship another chance is going to get him back. It is only when a man feels desire beyond what he can handle that he will disregard the decision that he had made and come running back to you. When you are successful at this then getting him back won’t even be a challenge. It will simply be a matter of being there to have him come back to you.
The only thing that the no contact rule will get you is some time. Time to get yourself and your life back together in preparation for winning him back. It will give you some time for him to cool off emotionally so he won’t be on the defense when you do talk to him and he will begin to forget about the breakup or at least not be so emotional about it. Just kicking back and sitting by the phone waiting for him to call is should never be an entire plan to get him back. That will only get you months and months of loneliness. Wouldn’t you rather be actually doing something to get your man back?
The no contact rule will give you the time to rebuild your confidence in yourself to the point where you will know for sure that you have the ability to get him back. You need to know in your heart that, without a doubt, you will have him eating out of your hand before you’re done. You need to rid yourself of all nervousness of rejection before you pick up that phone and you need to ooze the confidence and joy that men find so attractive. You need to know what you’re going to say and how to say it before you break the no contact rule and ruin the time that you have already spent.
How will you know when it is time to break the no contact rule and get in touch with your ex again? You will know when you feel absolutely confident that you can pull this off. Once you know without a doubt that he was crazy to breakup with you and that you could have a good time talking with him again then it is about time to think about calling him. Once you know that you will not be devastated if he doesn’t pick up the phone and that your voice isn’t going to crack and you’re not going to sound sad and depressed when you talk to him on the phone then it is time to go through with your plan.
You will not be flipped out when it is time to call him again. You will not feel compelled to want to ask him what you did wrong or what you can do to get him to come back to you. You won’t beg, plead or even want to talk about the breakup. You will simply be contacting him and letting the pieces fall into place. It will all happen as naturally as can be without it looking like you are pushing him. If your attitude is right and you have your plan laid out correctly then he will be doing all the heavy lifting in the relationship from here on out. He will be properly motivated and he will have the desire and need to spend time with you and all you’ll have to do is catch him when he falls for you again. Doesn’t that sound like a lot more fun than sitting around your house the next month or more just waiting for the phone to ring. Just remember that the no contact rule isn’t the end all, be all of advice that is proven to help you to get your ex back. It is only the first step and you have a bunch of work to do during this no contact rule period.
Learn more about using the no contact rule and check out our other relationship articles.